Cruz Kontrol

02/24/07 @ 12:28 PM

I'm sitting in the back of Spikes Coffee, a cafe on 19th near Castro Street, reading, "Enrique's Journey". The book is about a boy's journey from Honduras to the United States searching for his mother who immigranted to the USA years earlier. While I'm reading this very engaging story, I find myself experiencing memories I've had with my own mother. This is a very good book.

There's a heterosexual couple next to me playing a game of exchanging kisses. I move to an open table at the front of the cafe. I'm sitting next to two guys who are having a very intense conversation about relationships. One friend is trying to convince the other friend to take a break from the relationship. A nine or ten year old boy walks by the front of the cafe triggering more memories of me as a child.

My 16oz double soy latte with a shot of vanilla has kicked in. I'm cruzin' at a speed of 80 mph. My mind was trying to work me over this morning, but I cut it off at the pass. I going to remain focused and I'm not going to let my mind wander into negativity.

I'm letting off the accelerator now. I'm doing 70 mph to take on more of the scenery.

I love this cafe.

Tears...

I've been sad and depressed the past couple of days. I'm asking the Lord to help me to stop struggling over some things that have been keeping me in bondage for years; I struggle with body image and lonliness. Meditating on the struggles of others and what they have overcome is helpful. I don't want to be selfish. I want to give from my heart. I pray that I would decrease and the Lord would increase in my life. Please keep me in your prayers. Tears...

Love and Peace Forever! Keep spreading God's unconditional love. I always seem to despite how I feel because it's somehow encoded in my nature and it's make me feel better. I'm just wired to love others. Why don't I feel like I'm loved?

Risk Poem

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your dreams, ideas before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing.

They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live. Chained by their certitudes, they are a slave: they have forfeited their freedom.

Only a person who risks is truly free.

- Anonymous