Thursday, October 19, 2006

Living Life

Golden Gate Bridge

The Golden Gate Bridge is sometimes called "the most popular suicide destination in the world". There's a documentary called, "The Bridge". The movie is about the suicides that occur on the bridge over one year. The film documents the suicides and also includes interviews with friends and family members. I've contemplated suicide, but I've never actually attempted it. I've always felt that death is the one thing in life I can't change, because I'm dead! I've been suffering from depression and anxiety for almost a year now, but I'm finally coming out of it. I've had some really dark days that have prompted me to end my life, but because of my spiritual beliefs, I've never entertained that thought too long. Not because I thought it was wrong, but because God has always been an anchor for me. God loves me unconditionally no matter what. I only used to know that in my head, but it's finally making it's way down into my heart. I've stopped listening to the church and other peoples opinions of the way God feels about me. Before that, I felt rejected and unloved. I was a failure and my earthly father reinforced those perceptions.

I recently took a trip to Kauai. There's a place called Kipu Falls on the east side of the island. Kipu Falls pours into a deep pool from a 20 foot cliff. Without dwelling on the idea that I might drown or be paralyzed for life, I jumped from the top of the falls into the water below. It was one of the most empowering moments in my life. I was forcing myself to live. I've lived most of my life bound by fear, which locked me in indecision.

Whoever you are, however your feeling, wherever you are on this planet earth of ours, don't give up. Your not alone. I know how you feel. I've been in that place. Maybe, you were dealt a bad hand, but God can turn it around for you. If you don't believe in God, find something to hold onto in life to stay afloat and don't let go and then stand up. You'll realize the water's not that deep. Everyone's not against you. I'm not. God's not. So, that's not everyone. There are a lot of people just like me who love you and who will encourage you to go on living, because we've been there. We are living testimonies. The lie is "there's no hope for you". But there is. I know. I'm living life.

A close family relative of mine attempted suicide by drug overdose last night. My best friend died of a drug overdose a few years back. I also had lunch with a coworker at a park the friday before the weekend he died of an overdose. I felt God was asking to tell him how much He loved him, but I never opened my mouth.

This is to everyone, if there's anyone, who happens to come across this blog. Be supportive to your friends and family and to the homeless person on the street. Give a smile, say an encouraging word, spare some change. We're headed into the holidays now and we all need each other. The earth is a community. Make it a strong, loving, and peaceful one.

Spread Love!

Suicide Prevention

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